Starting fresh... again.

I am not really sure what I am supposed to do here. I don't know what I am doing in this situation. Things are so far gone that I don't know if they will ever be the way that they once were. I only know that I am trying my best... but that doesn't seem to be good enough. I constantly feel as though I am on the outside looking in on my own life. I feel like an outsider. I should not be this lonely when I am not alone. But I am. I feel as though time keeps slipping by wasted, like nothing that I do matters, that I do not matter to anyone. I am trying to see this as just a phase that I need to overcome, a negative thought pattern that really isn't true, I'm just seeing it that way because I am depressed. But I am finding that increasingly difficult when I am not getting any positive reinforcement. In fact, every thing that I try to do good for myself or for my family, I get shot down for. I have to go to school, and I have to work. And yet, for some reason, I get shunned for doing so. I don't understand what it is that I am doing so wrong that makes him think that its okay to put me down and make me feel like a bad person. All I ever do is love him and try everything that I possibly can to make him as happy as possible... and all he does is leave all the time and fight with me. I am so sad. I walk around on the verge of tears every day and its really starting to get to me. I am sick of feeling like I am just an annoyance to my own boyfriend who is supposed to love me and support me. I keep giving and giving my love only to be shot down brutally and pushed back to square one all the time. It hurts. And I do not deserve it. I just want to be with someone that loves me unconditionally, that supports me in both good and bad times, that makes me feel happy and beautiful and loved. I work very hard to make sure that he feels loved... and yet its never enough. Nothing that I ever do is ever enough. This relationship is making me depressed, lowering my self esteem, and making me feel like less of a person for doing everything that I am supposed to be doing in my life. This is just wrong. I am so sick of feeling like I don't matter. I am sick of feeling like I don't measure up. I am sick of the double standards, and feeling like I am not wanted. I hate it... and honestly I am starting to hate myself because of this relationship. It makes me so sad because I have never loved anyone this much and it is breaking my heart to think about ending things but what can I do? I don't want to be sad anymore. I just want to be happy... but I am not. I am just not.