just another day in... paradise?

I have a good life. A husband that loves me, a daughter that looks up to me, a friend that is there when I need him. So why am I not as happy as I feel like I should be?

Sean and I are good together I think. Im not really... UNhappy. I just sometimes get... bored.. I guess. Sean's job makes him so tired that he is no fun at all when he gets home. He just sits there on the couch and falls asleep. Sometimes he will make it through an entire show with me... mostly not though. We never really do anything. We used to before jon moved in. We would stay up late playing cards and laughing and having fun. We would take showers together, we would bond.... now he is just an empty shell of the man I fell in love with.. its killing me. I cant say anything becuase its not his fault. Its his job... I just wish that I had known this was how it was going to be. Because I honestly feel like I have lost my best friend. We dont really get along as well as we used to because I am just not as happy as I used to be. And he is just not the same person I used to know... its really upsetting. I dont know what to do anymore. :( And I cant talk to him about it or argue about anything because ever since jon moved in I am a prisoner in my own home. I am so depressed. I feel... stuck.

cutting ties

Today I made the decision that I am severing ties with all the negativity in my life. Including negative thoughts, negative actions, and most importantly negative people. I am too good of a person to be continually brought down by people and their drama. I do right by others, I tell the truth. I help anyone who needs it. And I always do whatever I can to be who everyone else wants me to be or thinks that I should be. But you know what?... Im done. Because the people that matter love me for everything that I am and everything that I am not. I have a great support group. Sean stands by me through thick and thin and I know nothing will ever break us. And jonathon is such an amazing friend, he always cheers me up when I am down. And Savannah, well, all she has to do is look at me and say mama and I just melt. They are the reason that I am strong. They are the reason to live my life the way I need to live it. The way it should be lived. And that concludes the end of todays deep thoughts with Ashley. Stay tuned as I ride this crazy coaster we call life. Love it.

just one of those days.

So I had to get up at an UNGODLY hour to take Sean to work. When I got home I thought that I would have at least two to three hours to sleep in before Savannah woke up. However I was sorely mistaken. She woke up early and has been hell on earth ALL day. All she wants to do is whine and scream and cry and I am honestly at my wits end right about now. And its yet another duty night which I am quickly getting sick of. I never fully understood how hard it was to be married to someone in the military. Its honestly the hardest thing in the world that I have encountered so far in my life. I dont know how people do it. I am just doing my best to stay strong for my family but its so hard when every fiber in my body is ready to give in some days. I feel like I am a single parent again. Not having my husband with me makes my whole heart ache. But I know that I have to just hang in there and one day we will look back on this days and laugh. I love him so much.

Not a lot tonight.

Had a fabulous night tonight. Life just keeps getting better and better. I have the best family and the most incredible husband in the world. Im about to get some shut eye but tomorrow I promise there will be a nice long blog posted cause its a duty night. :)