Time to Rant

So today has been beyond frustrating. Getting yanked around at the college just trying to get started for fall quarter, got home and felt sick to my stomach all day. Cleaned, cooked, and then fought with my husband. Rawr. And on top of that I am two weeks late. So either Im pregnant again or something is really wrong with my body cause I am never late. So I am so stressed. Sean is working stupid long hours and its a huge strain on a new marriage... I wish I had been more mentally prepared for this before reality hit but I was stuck in that whirlwind romance phase and didnt think about the fact that I was basically going to be a single parent again. Its not seans fault. I know that he is tired when he gets home from work. I know that he works SO hard to support our family. But sometimes I dont think he realizes that I work hard too. By the end of the day I am SO DRAINED that I feel like I am going to burst into tears and he comes home from work and doesnt wanna do anything. If I ask him to help he will but never happily and never without having to be asked. And its very frustrating. I am honestly scared for our marriage at times. I feel like I am not being heard or respected. I feel like he always says that things will change but they dont and I feel like its WAYYYY too early in our marriage to ALREADY be arguing about things. I dont know.. I know that I love him so much and I do believe that we can make this marriage work. I just dont want to be the only one trying. And I dont want to be alone in everything which lately I feel like I am. I honestly just wanna lay down and cry all night... I feel like everything I try to do to move forward in my life just backfires in my face. I feel so alone here. I miss my family and I miss my friends but I never seem to see them anymore and i just want a break every now and again. But I know that its all part of being a mother and a navy wife. Its something that I am going to have to survive and get through... I just hope I am strong enough to get through it all.. I really hope I am.

I just sometimes feel like sean wasnt quite ready for the life he signed up for. A baby and a wife... responsibilities that dont end when you clock out at the end of the day. it makes me scared. scared that I will be stuck doing it alone.. or that he will do it for me and not because its what he wants. and scared more than anything that savannah will suffer for it. I think it may be a good idea to look into counseling. I think it might help... I have a friend out here that is married with 7 children and she told me that it would be a good idea to get counseling because honestly being married to the navy is hard.